I sacrificed my mother for wealth

Growing up was hard, i have four siblings. One older and the rest younger. We are all from the same womb but different men. My mom has been in countless relationships and with each relationship ending i watched her lose a part of herself.

Before she had a third child she was a well respected primary teacher. When her third baby daddy left her she became a drunkard. She was given so many warnings at work before she got fired.

She then became someone who is a tavern key. Used up all her money on alcohol. She was the community's moreki and she even went as far as dating younger men who only needed her for money while my brothers and i were starving at home.

We lived in a 6 room house, it was old and falling apart. My mom fell pregnant with her fourth child. The baby daddy was a ben10 from the hood. He sucked my mother of her pension funds. He used her money to marry his girlfriend and then left my mom because he had sucked her dry.

Her last pregnancy was the most traumatic to me, she lost her mind when the ben10 left. She was in and out of psychiatric hospitals. She attempted to kill herself and the baby more than two times before we realised that she was mentally challenged.

When she was pregnant we locked her in an empty room just for her and the baby's safety. I know it might sound cruel but if we let her lose she would dissapear for days, she would sleep on the streets and wouldn't take her prenatal vitamins. Locking her in was the only way we could monitor her.

We starved and suffered a lot. She gave birth to a baby girl and we let her lose. It wasn't a home birth. We heard screaming and when we ran to check up on her we realised it was time and we took her to the clinic where she gave birth.

I named my baby sis Molahlegi. Yes Molahlegi means a lost person and yes she was a lost child because my mom wanted nothing to do with her. Due to her mental illness my mom used to stare at baby Molahlegi and call her names such as "chicken, rat, monster etc" and you'd see that she's genuinely terrified of the baby.

At some point i once found her with a broom stick trying to protect herself from a harmless baby, screaming and hiding. That's when i decided to step in as a mother. I became Molahlegi's mom. In actual fact i became the woman of the house.

I had to take care of everyone and that was the hardest thing i ever had to go through. I was 15 by the way. My mom was forever lost and i had to begg for food in the streets carrying the baby on my back. My brothers were always in trouble for stealing food at bo "my friend's shops". Eventually my elder brother got arrested.

I got sexually molested numeral times just because i was begging for food, some men would want weird favours. My life was a nightmare. I had to quit school because i needed to be a mother. I had big dreams and goals. My younger brother refused to go to school because i wasn't going to school anymore.

He was stubborn and much too young to understand that i had to quit school because i needed to take care of baby Molahlegi and him. My elder brother used to hide his jail food in his clothes and share with us when we went to visit him in jail.

He met an inmate whom he became close with in jail. He explained to him why he was giving us some of his food. The man then told him we could be rich instantly if we wanted to. All we have to do is sacrifice our mom since well she was a lost case. It took my elder months to convince me to go ahead with the idea.

Things kept getting harder and harder at home until i eventualy gave in. My mother now lived in the streets and she would curse at us everytime we tried reaching out. Men forced themselves on her almost everyday on the streets yet she wouldn't come home.

I at that time thought it would be like saving her,i convinced myself that sacrificing her is exactly what she needs to end her miserable life. A weird man helped us with the rituals and a few days after my mother died, we received a looooot of money.

The least i could do for her was give her a dignified and queenly burial. We are now living a comfortable life, house renivated, hired a nanny for Molahlegi and i am back at school. We have everything we need but the guilt still chokes me. My brother is still in jail because his last shop lifting included murder.

How i wish i could see my mother one last time and apologise. I sometimes wish i had been the one that was sacrificed instead of my mom. I have suicidal thoughts every now and then. I am still here only because i owe it to my siblings to be the mother that i took away from them just so we could Survive.